My body is decaying with the knowledge that I can’t make it in the world
I wake up after a good twelve hours, aching and weak my only thought, you
I hear your voice in my head drilling me to walk up the stairs again
You tell me every day that you complete me that without you I’d be nothing more but the girl who was miserable with her body
The fat sausage finger girl who couldn’t fit in size twelve jeans
But with you, my dear Ana you’ve helped me drop 30 pounds in four months
I’m in love with you ana, you and your best friend Mia
I am a gray sky, and you are my storm
Lighting and thunder, my stomach roars but I can only hear your voice urging me forward
I eat at home, I take long walks alone
I have a notebook full of excuses that sleep under my bed
My room is a disaster, plates, and cups galore
I am disgusting, I’m hoping that when I reach my goal all of my flaws will fall away
I will be exactly like the pretty, skinny girls I see all around me
I’m cold all the time, it reminds me of when I got locked out in the middle of winter
I walked miles going forward seemingly nowhere
My coat taut fastened across my thin chest
But I was shivering, the unknown frightened me
But now I know where I’m going
You lead me with your deathly bone-thin hand
Outstretched arms you pull me in
My monstrous overgrowth devouring you
You squeeze me until all of the fat melts away
Until I am skinny
Until I am bone
Until I am nothing