I woke up in a huff.
Things I should have done already,
Came back in a flood.
Too many things,
Everywhere I looked,
I closed my eyes.
She scratched my back a bit.
"That's nice." I lied.
I wait for everything to pass.
Just stop, don't think.
"How are you feeling?"
Don't ask that.
There's something vicious in my mind,
Always on the attack.
"Wanna talk about it?"
No. Or else I would.
And now I'm thinking about it.
I let it go. Slightly tense.
But unanswered questions
Don't quite disappear.
They build up.
Every intervention is
Another pebble in the pond,
Another splash,
Another ripple.
Time to settle.
Take a breath.
Roll over.
Everything's all right.
It's fine. It's going nowhere.
One step at a time.
I could
Slide up to unlock
Perhaps I've gone viral in my sleep.
I haven't, but that was hope -
I think - just a glimpse -
Somewhere in between the homescreen
And the last
Past the apps I didn't choose,
And the one I did but never use,
To the ones that I don't want,
But am addicted to.
"Coffee?" She asks,
Taking a white towel
From the hook
On the back of the door.
That's nice, I think,
She doesn't drink coffee.
I make a sound that means
Something either way.
"Escape!" is what I want to say.
Run. Before I scar you with my grey,
Grey thoughts.
I count the steps as
She goes down the stairs.
Alone again, at last. I breathe.
My phone won't let me down.