1.
Please don't die
With all your will and might,
Continie being here.

You are my guiding stone of rosegold,
Life without you lacks light, life without you

Is so lost and empty and hopeless regardless
Of a good day here or there

Please please please. The thought of it cripples me.

One month ago to the night, to the hours when it happened.

When I held your different shades of hand

tube-linked and ashen. It was so surreal, I was so many places at once,
Knowing it's the last time and feeling it thaw the wound in my skull
To be replayed on and on until I give in and take
   the easy way out.
But now there's nowhere to go.
I am back in her presence after a series of confusing
Non-scenearios led me to hear the news of her passing.
I run upstairs and through to her room,
Knowing she will be there.
  
 2.
Mother mummy mum,S-
I'm a scattered mess

You look as beautiful as ever. Worn out like the majority

Of the last 12 months. Bandaged up nose, eyes closed
  but in your own bed and smiling.

'... please stay, I'm so glad you're here. I thought you were dead.'

    'I won't be here for long, son. They're taking me away later today' she laughs '
I love you'

The idea of it still feels as strange as it had 10 months ago.

Let it stay that way. Don't let me wake up
'I love you' I reply.
Please linger a little longer
 
3.
I woke up.
One month and a day.

It feels like I've been skipping time.