These are the things I would be feeling if I
was like you

The warm touch of a friend
when it fills you
with love

and that love;
bubbling up to the surface,
flush against the inside of my skin
like it will burst soon

and I will flood you
because my body cannot contain this closeness

my heart is fit to burst
its empty insides
splattered across the walls

like a Polluck painting to our connection

if I felt it
if I knew that it was there

If I knew it like I knew
the scent of spices
like I know the cold embrace
of winter months, when they brush

against my illness and I know
that it can’t go on
because it hurts so much to love

it tears words from my gut that I would never
dare say
it brings promises I cannot keep;
if I could, I would weep

because it hurts so much to love

but I have to try