Apple cider vinegar boosts your metabolism and reduces hunger I didn’t realize I had an appetite anymore The feeling of food makes you sick when you can only imagine it coming back up Spilling word ***** onto nice freshly cleaned carpets Teeth stained, hospital gowns I Need some mouthwash If nobody knows about the problem that means it doesn’t exist right? If no one can see your face, hallowed then you don’t take up space right? Wrong, “you’re too fat, you’re too fat” You scream into the mirror Haunching over the toilet, trying, crying to stand back up but no words come out and your legs won’t move for help My illness is hard not to hate somedays when your throat is sore from five times of binging and purging today Six rounds each Maybe more if you can stomach it Your nose will smell it and you’ll gag up more Your mind is the worst weapon you can use against yourself Counting every calorie as a new way to punish yourself for existing You’re so afraid of taking up space that you will resort to slicing your belly in half in order to achieve inner peace Baby, it doesn’t work that way Listen I know that somedays you look to see your pretty skinny friends And you feel bad about your body and how one of your thighs could barely fit through the head of her skintight t-shirt But I have been there, I have seen **** you couldn’t even imagine Girls who want to become bulimic or anorexic, get ready for your teeth to wear down and chip from the acid from below your belly Rumbling with the force of regret, the food you just ate but didn't want the weight Get ready for the hole in your throat right next to your tongue down your esophagus That burned its way coming up as it did down Get ready to see your mom or your dad walk in to see you on your knees praying to the gods above as below anything over the throne, Get ready for the disappointment, the extra eyes, get ready for the tears the fears Why can’t you just eat? The rehab, The relapse Get ready for hating your body, lack of control The spiral Get ready because ana and mia don’t give a **** if you were happy before Because they just want to be skinny