I tell myself:
New year
New place
New you

I tell myself that here I will
flourish
I will find my people for life
I will be a better person

I tell myself that this is the best
chance I've got of finally living not
just existing

Deep breaths

I push myself
to say yes
join in
loosen up

But it is tiring
and I feel myself falling into old habits
and I feel myself distancing and
slowing down

And I realise that maybe people cannot
change with a snap of their fingers

I tell myself that I am lazy
Freak
That something inside of me is broken for
no reason

I tell myself that I am the problem

I tell myself that I will fix that problem
Next year, next stage, next life
New me
Not now
Not yet