feels like knives in my mouth
needles through my tongue
like when i got it pierced, and my father ripped it out
because he didn’t approve

i have a headache from biting down too hard
my teeth hugging each other
in this sad attempt to feel whole
even though bits and pieces of their body
fall into the black void of my stomach
where all things sick must stay
hidden within

and the inside of my cheek is bleeding
the watered-down red spill into my words
making the clean ones *****
i have to choose my next words wisely
i wouldn’t want to overstep my over blurred boundaries

there are crescent moons in the palms of my hands
they tell me it’s going to be okay either way
little smiles ready to remind me after it’s done
that my chest will remain standing
heart intact, lungs inhaling

i have to remind my legs to keep on standing
because as your eyes look into mine
i feel like I am the only thing you’ve ever seen
and I mean that in the worst possible way

your stare feels like shame on my skin
little burns on my neck and cheek and lips
all the places you’ve kissed before

all the places you’ve touched before
held before
gazed upon like they were fine art before
none of the words
none of those things I said before
matter anymore

because when I told you I loved you
your ‘I love you, too’ sounded
a lot like silence