i have come to terms with the fact that in order for me to go on every single day of my life i have to feel i mean not feel-feel but you know feel as in act like there is something burning inside of me aside from numbness, apathy, and i dont know ... resenting the existence of feelings?
so i will tell you all about my feelings hey, listen
so i am mad at you mad at you for not bothering to check up on me today i saw you on my way home talking to people that i do not know anymore as you saw me and i saw you i raise my hand like this*, give a little wave and was very determined to not have an eye contact with you for more than three seconds because according to the books entitled "How to Look Like You Don't Care That Much About Them Anymore", i am supposed to look ahead, keep walking, and basically act like i didn't want to go towards you because i desperately wanted a hug from a person who claims to be my friend who told me she admired me and she treats be as a "bestfriend" and calling another that same title
(i mean sure maybe you can indeed have two bestfriends and the rule on superlative degree should adjust)
so i walked ahead and shut that thought that there is a possibility that i can really get that hug because in this universe you will never initiate something anything for me
let's face it you don't care and you are the best teacher ever
this is not a poem
this is a thank you note
in the interest of all that is supeficial (see also our friendship) i. sincerely. thank. you.
you do not know how the shards you have made of me were the ones i used to cut myself
if you know i remember i am supposed to have feelings
darling, thanks for maiming me
this is a how i tell you i do not want you in my life anymore keep the door open on your way out