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Dec 2019
Side to side I look
Hearing the icy taunting voices
Of all these people
Talking behind my back
Ridiculing my every action
My every action is a mistake,
Even staying still is a sin.
My heart pumps my chilled blood,
Faster and faster
Until I feel my veins will burst
My mind runs faster and faster
Filled with terrifyingly venomous thoughts
Now they’re taunting me,
Pointing ambiguous shadowy fingers,
Laughing in deep, echoed unison.
My vision starts to turn as black as the figures.
I want to run
I want to run
I want to run
I cannot run
They will taunt me for running,
They will toss me around,
Taunting me and beating me,
Bruising me all the same.

Collapsing on the icy floor of hell,
My delusions got the better of me.
I covered my head expectantly,
Waiting for it to come.
My face was wet with perspiration.
But it was not perspiration,  
It was my tears,
I was silently sobbing,
Trying not to show them.
They would find out, but I don’t want them to.

The distant black figures are next to me now,
Crowding around me and pointing.
I’m now sure they exist.
Their heaving laughter rings through my ears.
Their breath hitting me with an infernal flame.
Their bodies radiate a subzero aura,
Chilling than heating me just the same.

The shadows start to replace my own reality,
I want them to leave,
I want me to leave,
Neither of us move.

Their ambiguous shape is standing inches away now,
They are still closing in,
Getting ready for the ****.
My delusions are reality now.
I feel I will die when they reach me.

Suddenly it all goes black,
Then brown
Then blue
Then white
I’m curled on the floor.
I remember my delusions and shudder
I try to convince myself that it wasn’t real
But I cannot fight the fear overrunning me
It was too real that time.
I know it only could get worse.
“Fun” hallucination that happened due to an unnoticed mental breakdown in public. I didn’t edit this one so sorry if it’s bad. I call my old (not really this one, it’s kinda new) poems that I didn’t edit raw copies, which means they are probably bad, but it’s good to show that stuff. Relatable poem? Prob not, but there may be a few other nuts (no offense) among this community. Wow this is a train wreck of a desc.
Ayn
Written by
Ayn  20/M/Wherever I May Roam
(20/M/Wherever I May Roam)   
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