Sometimes I see my past in your present
The twinkling eyes with each smile that radiates a room
The disappointment in self each lecture and post tantrum
I get scared about that sometimes because I want you to be better than me

But then I remember that people aren't "better" or "worse" than one another
And I shouldn't expect something I don't personally believe in
To apply to any situation
Let alone to you

So I struggle between

Raising you around your happiness, because I want you to have what I couldn't so ******* bad

And
Raising you with discipline, for the most righteous fist is the one that holds back when it isn't needed

And
Raising you as carefully as if we called a claymore mine home, and walked a driveway of tripwires

I parent in a tip-toe style
Hoping the foot prints I leave for you aren't too large for you to be unable to fill
While simultaneously hoping you don't follow them too closely
Or even that if you do, you won't be afraid to stray the path

I want you to be a great person
By your own volition
And sometimes I feel like I influence you too much
But you're still only a child
And have much to learn
And I as your humble caretaker, teacher, and protector
Really wish I knew exactly what the lesson plan you need is
But until I know what to do
I'll continue to try my hardest for you
Until the day my heart stops,
My teeth shatter like frozen tissue paper
And my last breathe and effort dissipates into the clarity you'll need when you need it.