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Nov 2019
I have always wanted love, always wanted trust,
Have always wished for a person to care.
But alas my heart is made of rust,
And I'm a pervert being not rare…

This is all sad,
No love no life,
Dreaming of things I never would have or had,
Inside the ribcage hurt as with a knife…

Many times I wonder for my sakes,
Why did I become such a torn?
There are lots of mistakes,
But none are compared to me being born…

I have always wished to hug a friend,
And give a hand to lend,
Feel the circle of love and trust, and smile,
Bit I am nothing… nothing but a useless garbage pile…

I have always dreamed of having trust.
Of having people rely on me,
But I'm made of lust,
With one thing in mind, "I'm free."

My life makes me cry,
Everything in me is wild and ******,
I was given one big lie,
"You would be forever happy."

The girls I spot attract my thoughts and me,
I have nothing to do, I hate it,
I wish and want to let them be,
But my sinful eyes always want to stare a bit…

There are many borders,
Many that we can't cross there and here,
The mind gives us ideas and orders,
Which we never fear…

Let them be a thought to ****,
A thought to crime,
A thought to make your mind go ill;
Yes, nothing we fear… alas my mind reached the time…

My mind orders me to reach out,
But I hold on tight,
There's always a rout,
With a struggle and a fight…

"Why no one trusts?
Why no one listens either,
I dont want any lusts,
All I want is a bad mind neither."

These words are long ago forgotten,
They existed, helped, but now are rotten.
No one trusts me anymore,
I was pure and golden before, but now I'm a useless nasty *****…

All my smiles and creativity,
Zoomed off to trash and "simplicity".
My heart, my mouth, never missed a needing face,
But alas, my heart turned as spiky as a mace…

My face has a smirk, my eyes only show the dark,
My mouth is a b*tch,
In my reflection I search for a spartk,
But already my mouth cursed me to the oppsite of golden and rich…

I give up being good,
Before I feared being rude,
Now I struggle to have a happy mood,
I'm not trusted, it's done, now I'm only a bit more happy in my hood.…

Trust and love is always rare,
Fun and prises, always looks like a fare,
I can say only one thing as at the darkness I stare,
"It always ends with me ignoring to care…"



-Mishka Wayz"
When I had a depression back then, I created this poem. But now I wrote it here Lol. And I really do wish to have true friends, trust and care for someone ^^
axstrohostonaut
Written by
axstrohostonaut  20/M/USA
(20/M/USA)   
232
     Fearless, Shane and ---
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