the light in my heart flickers
there is an eerie echo in my ribcage
it is deathly silent
i hold my breath, waiting
to see if the footsteps coming closer
will emerge
waiting to see who i will become
the jaws who raised me, raised me well
taught me lash out,
and i shiver in pleasure at gashes so now
i want to take your heart and crush it
like glass, smash it against the wall,
until the blood and me and you
crash together. catostrophe.
the word feels like a welcome to me
a welcome mat i rubbed my shoes on
until the soles of my feet were imprinted
with red, until i walked upon the dead,
until every step i took was upon
violence. i know the smell of it
so well i could i taste it.

so ****,
who will i be?
the monster i am so regularly?
the monster i am so scared of
at the bruised soles of my feet
and my ****** fingertips.
i am scared that the mirror shows who i really am
that i really have become as callous as them
and though scorch the light, i burn myself the most
perhaps i need a plaster and some water
maybe then i can be someone happy
pretend to be someone
who didn’t have monster’s necks craning over their crib when they were a child
eyes wide and hungry, ready to devour the good,
and infect with the everlasting, swirling darkness