There were times when
I looked up to you
There were times when
I thought I had a brother
Who gave a **** about me.
Somewhere down the road,
Emotions veered off course
And you became another stranger
You became a stranger to me,
and everyone that loved you.
You turned into a monster,
Drinking down your emotions,
Morphing them into hate
You were mad at the world,
And angry at everyone around you.
You resorted to violence,
because that was the only time
you felt you could get your point across.
You abandoned your father,
Your son, your daughter
When things didn't go your way.
You moved, you started a new family.
And when it went south,
You decided enough was enough, taking your own life.
You lived your life
With the notion
that everyone was against you
It was you against the world.
No one would listen,
No one gave you a chance.
No one believed in you.
I gave you a chance.
Your father gave you several.
You abandoned your kids,
and they still came crawling back.
Your sisters didn't give up hope,
and you still believed you were public enemy number one.
Now that you're gone,
It's almost like you've abandoned us again.
There are no more chances to make amends.
In spite of that, there is room for forgiveness.
I forgive you for leaving me.
For leaving your son, your daughter,
Your father, your mother,
And your sisters behind.
Your demons got the best of you.
I won't let mine get the best of me.
I forgive you for everything you've done to me,
And those who loved you.
I won't forget you.
And neither will they.
I have to accept you're gone.
You're never coming back.
There's nothing I can do
to bring you back to life.
I have to accept it
and move on.
Inspired by Paramore's "Monster."
Songs inspire me to write.
I keep a weekly diary of my thoughts.
On week 5, I wrote a poem about my brother. I was angry. I had to get my feelings out.
On week 7, I revisited that poem and decided not to ignore my feelings.
I had to write it out. I had to lash out. I had to vent.