A kiss goodbye at the door,
Streetlights on,
I’ve never been anyone’s

But

I am trying not to think of
How much I want you to see the world
The way you look ahead as you
Get deeper in conversation

I don’t want to remember the
Laughs in between
Or that one time you told me
You didn’t want to mislead me

I don’t want to think about
How I am listening to The Smiths
And writing this

I try to not get lost in thought
But we both know I do

I want to believe not wanting me
Has more to do with you

I don’t want to remember
How easily comfortable I got
Every time in your front seat

I don’t want to know,
More than anyone,
How bad you are for me
And how much goodness I
Choose to see in you

I hate texting my best friend
And telling her “I know, I know, I’m stupid”
Hate this battle only I’m fighting

The one where I force myself
To where you’re standing
Where I tell myself
I’m standing with you
Even though it means
I want to stand with you longer
Than you’d like

I want more than anything
To not notice how you don’t
Touch me after getting off of me

I want more than anything
To prove I can do the same

I can’t bear the thought
Of this cycle repeating itself
But you say the words
And I’m there

Letting go probably isn’t as hard
As people make it out to be
It’s not like you’d grab on to my hand
To keep me

I don’t wanna think about
How it’s my fault we’re here
Because I’m the one who reached out
Because I’m the one who let you
Kiss me on the mouth

I want to share the same joint
But not get high off you anymore
I want it both ways
I want it to be me this works out more for

Want it to be you who thinks of me,
To be the reason you get deep in thought
But we both know I’m not
And I know you won’t

I want to believe not wanting me
Has more to do with you
But we both know I don’t