i’ve always had an aversion to crowded spaces
it's not something i enjoy
and how can i
when my mind is crowded too

the more people that surround me,
the more i’m aware i exist

eyes meet mine and watch me as i move
i look away after that
so their hands can’t hurt me
and their hearts can’t love me

i fall back into the shadows
leaving one crowd, for another
self-sabotage, they call it
having no intention to change

always between two fires
getting burned either way