Aug 2019
Throughout my life I've been diagnosed with Major Depressive disorder, Anxiety, Bipolar, and PTSD.
It's a crazy list I know, it's basically like having my mind and my body at war with itself and me.
It's not easy for me to see things clearly or even more so, to try to understand it.
This isn't the life I had hoped for, it isn't how I would have planned it.
I been through a lot including addiction if you want to add that to the list,
But honestly It was my way of coping with life and my mental status.
If anyone even knows a thing or two about drug addiction, then you know it only made it worse.
It only took the first 10 seconds of numbing, to have me stuck in it's curse.
Drugs took everything. Shredded me of what I loved and with every thing I cherished,
It was gone, completely perished.
What I needed was taken away from me.
I would look every where in sight and there would be nothing left to see.
It took jobs, apartments, my real friends, family, materialistic,
It didn't stop there, it took my heart, my self worth, my mind. I started to believe in the unrealistic.
The enemy in my mental steadily grew angrier and more aggressive,
The numbness never lasted and its destruction slowly became more progressive.
I felt even more down than I was before, I had became something unrecognizable and I was surprised,
I became the enemy, the monster, I had became something I despised.
That's when the power greater than me stepped in and saved my life with his power,
It took him doing that a few times but his love over me he continues to shower.
Every day is a decision to stay clean and every day is a decision to be great.
No one is a lost cause. Trust me just wait..
It's a crazy list I know, it's basically like having my mind and my body at war with itself and me.
It's not easy for me to see things clearly or even more so, to try to understand it.
This isn't the life I had hoped for, it isn't how I would have planned it.
I been through a lot including addiction if you want to add that to the list,
But honestly It was my way of coping with life and my mental status.
If anyone even knows a thing or two about drug addiction, then you know it only made it worse.
It only took the first 10 seconds of numbing, to have me stuck in it's curse.
Drugs took everything. Shredded me of what I loved and with every thing I cherished,
It was gone, completely perished.
What I needed was taken away from me.
I would look every where in sight and there would be nothing left to see.
It took jobs, apartments, my real friends, family, materialistic,
It didn't stop there, it took my heart, my self worth, my mind. I started to believe in the unrealistic.
The enemy in my mental steadily grew angrier and more aggressive,
The numbness never lasted and its destruction slowly became more progressive.
I felt even more down than I was before, I had became something unrecognizable and I was surprised,
I became the enemy, the monster, I had became something I despised.
That's when the power greater than me stepped in and saved my life with his power,
It took him doing that a few times but his love over me he continues to shower.
Every day is a decision to stay clean and every day is a decision to be great.
No one is a lost cause. Trust me just wait..
Battling your mind, a haunted past along with a drug addiction is a recipe for self destruction. There's no shame in getting help. So if you are having issues of the sorts. I encourage you to please seek help. Sometimes it takes things outside of yourself to grow and move forward. These mental health issues will always be a part of me. But I refuse to let them define me. I'm more than my past and I'm more than my illnesses. Sometimes you just have to keep reminding yourself of that.
