scars,
everywhere.
from my wrists to my thighs to my ankles.
if i close my eyes long enough i can remember what it felt like again.
i just wanted to be in control of something,
i just wanted to make sure that the pain i was feeling was real.
but now they're there forever.
shorts looks weird,
short sleeved shirts are weird.
my parents looked at me differently the day they found out,
begged me to show them the things i did to myself.
i just wanted them to hold me.
my dad didn't talk to me for months,
i don't know why.
was he scared? did he just not know what to do or say?
diverted eyes and clothing that covered all skin for years and years.
scars,
everywhere
that remind to this day of the years i spent trying to simply just Feel anything else but numbness.
i just wanted to be held.