He was nothing I expected.

He was loud, obnoxious
the complete opposite of anything or anyone
I pictured to be in my life.

He kept me on my toes
called me out on my *******
But he did it in a way that made it impossible to be mad.

He made me laugh
told jokes about dumb things I never would have
thought to be funny .

And he's so smart
in ways that I never could be
with a passion that's intoxicating

But I was scared
scared of the implications surrounding us
scared of all the what if's
scared I would lose everything

So, I turned my back and I ran
I pretended nothing was there

I acted oblivious
like my heart didn't leap into my chest
when he threw his head back and laughed

I erased the night when we danced
when he almost confessed his inner most thoughts
with eyes that made me believe I was beautiful

Because then I would be safe
and what we had up until that point would be safe.

And now he can be with someone who makes sense
for him to be with.

Who isn't afraid.

Who will love him how he should.

And I can still be in his life
on the sidelines.
But in his life.