I don’t remember much in between
but I do remember
we ended up in bed together laying there with our clothes on
with another guy.
You had told me earlier
with him standing right there
what you did together.
And you grabbed his **** underneath his shorts to show it off.
I played along
with feigned interest
but at that point I remember the pit in my stomach returning
when I thought of someone else had had you
which I knew, of course,
but to hear it described and to see it
gives it a life of its own
and becomes certain
and those times where it is so real
and you are so open about it
as if you either don’t know the pain that it causes me
or you don’t care
are marked as the saddest points in my life.