I say I don't care that I hear not
from my son
BUT I LIE.
Deep down is a scar that will not heal.

I say its ok if he doesn’t call
he has obligations in a different state.
But thats a lie and deep wound
thats known to break the scab.

When I see a son and mother
on street my ego hides my pain.
Thanksgiving and birthdays come
and I lie awake
playing the question in mind...
What did I do that was so bad
for him to hold back his love.

When Mothers day is at my doorstep
I keep busy so I ignore the pain.
When a youtube shows a family
I try to ground by making
a deep breath bandaid
to keep wound dry.
as I connect to source.

Months go by
and avalanches build
with mini cascading emotions
that sometimes fall
chilling me to the bone.
They carry a sadness for days.
until I tuck them away
telling myself its ok he’s just busy.

Telling myself that time heals
as I send him love in ethers
by way of candle.
But the scar is always there.
Ready to ooze when I see
something to awaken it.

The only cure is Doctor Jeffrey
(my son) but he is out
doing calls for his life purpose.
And it seems he’s not available
to take on a mother patient.