Words
Trying to escape my lips
Hands moving at the speed of sound
Can't keep still
With all that I long to say
Yet keep bottled
Toss it to the sea
Leave it
Floating
For someone to find

I want to smile
To say
I'm truly happy
But
I don't know
I just don't know

What are the plans?
When?
Where?
How?
An answer would be nice

I know she said yes
But did she say anything else?
Soon, later
Big, small
Holy, nonreligious
How will you do this?

Where am I in all this?

Throwing the petals
Carrying the veil
'Cause I don't know
If I'll be able to breath
So scared that I'll ruin it all
On your special day
Redone for her

Once more
I ask;
Where am I in all this?

Will I be forgotten
Or be smothered in love?
Will I be what you want me to be?
Please
What is my role in the end?

The reminder of your failed 1st attempt?
The failure you dress up
To be your pretty little princess?
Well, I'm not that type of child

This storm is rising inside of me
And I don't know what to do

Not tell you
Hell no
But what then?
Take that rage
Confusion
Everything
Put it on the page
Send it away

The look on your face
Looking at the crowd
What do you see now?
I'll be seeing you now
Taking her by the hand
Dressed in white
Dancing to your song
Trying to make me
That picture perfect girl

But I'm not perfect
I'm not something to be paraded around
The truth is;
I'm not a good girl
I'm not your trophy
You weren't the victor
Of the last marriage
Because there is none
So stop acting like I'm your trophy
Your gold medal
For making it out alive

I'm your daily wake up call
You messed up
And now I'm here

But I'm still here
So what now?
Dress me up
Show me to the crowd
Saying,
"This is my girl,"
"from my 1st wife"?

Whatever you say
Whatever you do
Just remember
They're watching you

Watching us
The family
Oh, and remember
Don't get me started
On the girl of your girl.

- Jay M
May 7th, 2019