Pacing back and forth
Worrying what you think
Of your little girl
But the truth is
I'm not that little anymore

13, going on 14
Weeks away
I promise you
I won't take myself away

Even though I want to
So badly
I'll stick around
A bit longer
I'll fight
For the sake of fighting
Not for me
But for everybody
So let me be...

LET ME BE!

Crying my eyes out
Screaming the cry of the lonely;
"Leave me alone!"
But that
Is another way of saying;
"Show me that you care enough to stay with me.."

Take my hand
Lift me up
Where the demons can't get me
Hiding in the marrow of my bones

I'm holding on..
I'm right here...
But what does that matter
When they only see you
When you mess up?

More reasons to leave
Than to stay
Just give me a reason.
One good reason why I should listen
To the "good things" about me?

I am a tainted soul
A demon in the skin of a child
Wanting so badly for things to be okay
Better than just "okay"
To be happy...

But how
When everything around you
Leaves you,
Dies,
Hates you,
Despises you,
Doesn't know your name
But you know so much about them?

There is no good reason
Not for me
But for some reason
A purpose I have yet to classify
I remain.

I will
For as long as it takes
Until I've finally given up
Reached my breaking point
The last breaking point
When, finally,
I have no will at all
All is empty
Not a false reason
Nothing
Void of all humanity
To the point where I am but a corpse
A shell of a person I used to know well...

- Jay M
April 25th, 2019