The feeling,
The emptiness,
The feeling of emptiness.
My heart aches for some feelings.
It is so sick of the void.

I hurt the people I love,
to get a reaction from them.
Anger, hatred or pain,
So that I can get some of those too.

Sitting below the fiery a hot shower,
to feel the buns on my soft skin,
To get the warmth from the water and steam,
Which I don't get from the people anymore.

Walking on the street,
In tees, jeans and flip flops, when
It's snowing outside,
To feel the cold and chills through my bones.
To feel the sadness in the surrounding,
to feel something.
To know I am NOT dead.

Drinking my Guts down.
Telling people I love them.
Can't do that with my normal persona,
Missing people publicly.
Cry for them,
But then why I don't feel blissful,
even with them around.

Running behind my dreams, where I feel.
I feel it all -
Pain, smile, sorrow, and joy.
Not the blank.
Not to be the emotionless stone, I have become.

Sitting in my room alone,
Hoping to go out and meet some people,
Like or not like me.
In a party - with the glass in my hand.
Glass full up to the brim,
Trying to keep up with the fake grin.
In my mind, already killing myself and these people,
Millions of times.

Exploding and pacifying myself the millionth time,
In the past 2 hours
Is this normal?
To wish for death, when
life is perfect, everything is good.

You wanted to be here.
Now that you are,
Where are you planning to run away next?
Convincing myself,
No, that other place will be better.
You will be happier.
When you know you won't be,
Any more on this earth.
It's all the same.
It's not the same anymore.

Darling you have been blessed with melancholy.
It's a part of you.
How could you ever run away,
from something which is inside you.
Not in your body but in your soul.

You can try, always try.
Till the time you are tired of trying.
And then you cry and cry and cry some more, you can accept it, cry Cry it out, my love.
And now?
Now embrace it.
Like you would embrace-
The gift of Beauty, you always wanted.
When you always knew that-
Beauty comes with a price.

Now that you have embraced it.
You know it's you.
You don't try to pretend anymore.
No more fake laughs, pretentious smiles.

I am sad,
But I am content with my sadness.
The void, I was always trying to get rid of.
It was filled with sadness.
No, it doesn't ache for anything anymore.

I can be calm with:
The fiery exploding thoughts.
I am peaceful with the war in my mind.