Today I cried,
my chest tight
and my heart racing.

My mother just left me home alone,
and my father was at work.

I had the blades sitting right next to me,
and bottles of pills on my desk.

I looked into the mirror,
my stomach flat
and a thigh gap so big.
Yet all I saw was fat,
so much fat.

I puked and puked,
until I couldn't feel anything
until my body begged to stop
until I could barely move.

Then I screamed,
so loud the dogs barked
and my throat was raw.

I punched the mirror,
it shatter under my fist.
just like my heart did when Olli left.

Olli,
he used to be my everything.
he used to keep me safe in my darkest moments.
Now though he hates me.
He no longer wants anything to do with me.

I get though I'm ugly.