My story starts the same as all stories
With the birth of a child
The embodiment of innocence
Quick to laugh with no malice in my heart
An easy smile and a twinkle in my eyes
Since I wasn't born or raised in a tower
Since I wasn't locked away from the world
I looked, I saw and I changed.


The twinkle dimmed down
As I became a shadow of who I was
The smiles became fewer and far between
As my identity slipped away, replaced by masks
Masks forced onto me so I can fit in
To make my place in society I had to make personas
Different people living in the same body
So many that I lost the original and it is for the best
The small child I was wouldn't survive in this world
So I immerse myself in my act and keep up the faces
I switch through them daily, all for acceptance
Acceptance from a people who like me live behind masks
Weaved according to the people they want to be
Identities put together from subtly imitating others
It may be something small like the handwriting or speech pattern
Or the way of walking or even the accent
It is done subconsciously and we give it no thought
As we assemble different traits to create our person
We paint our image to resemble that of another
Who himself is painted according to another
A vicious cycle of mimickery and falsehood
Just another day under the Sun.


My heart is now an empty husk of broken pieces
A collection of shattered parts
Stuck together by the force of my will
I was told it would never lead me astray
And I followed it to my doom
I grew to hopes of true love
And dreams of being a knight in shining armor
So I was quick to give my heart
And I paid for my ignorance
With restless nights and dull days
With sweat, tears and pain
I got my due
So I did what anyone would do
I changed
Gone was the big heart full of illusions
In its place a stone wall
Raised from the bricks you threw at me
I took the ache and used it to cloud my face with indifference
As a last resort and as my final defense
Behind which lies a shell
And now I ask myself why I didn't follow the code
A code instilled in every boy and man
You see, I was raised in a happy home
I saw the look in my parents eyes and I believed
But as I grew I was told emotions are weakness
And love is non-existent
That a man's tears should never fall
So never give them a chance to
And that life may leave but pride is all
And this was the code
Yet I still believed
I stripped down of it all
Even the pride that I struggle to keep
And I look back on it as I weep
I guess heartless would have been the better way to be.


My laughter disappeared as the smile left my face
My joy turned to cynicism
I speak in harsh tones due to the snark in my voice
I became a resentful creature
And I blame the world for my waste.


My innocence dragged down to oblivion
By the weight of my sins
My mistakes hold me back like chains on my shins
I am shackled by regrets
They're the cuffs on my wrists
And when my time comes to be a father
I will bend my knees and look to the skies
And beg the Lord to have pity on my son
May he not suffer his wrath for the sins of his Dad
May he survive the ways of man
May he hold his head high and stand against the world
May he love, may he weep, may he laugh, may he live
May he find joy, may he beat sin
There is no atonement for me but there is a chance for him
And when I lay on my death bed I will spare a glance to the past
And grieve for the child I was and the man I have become
And when Death knocks on my door and whispers in my ear
"We are going to Hell; you're coming with me"
I will look into his eyes with a smile and ask
"When do we leave?"