I miss you
Lying awake at four in the morning
Facing each other in the darkness
When I told you I was afraid
You knew me
Together every day
When the moon was up
So were we
Sitting in your car
The windows fogging up
We were followed by red and blue lights
All the way home
But you didn't mind
You spent the night there
The card tricks
And the bad jokes
And the honesty
My God
I was more honest with you
Than anyone
I should've recognized it then
But I'm not known for that
I'm known for mistakes
And broken promises
And forgetfulness
I'm known for stubbornness
And an acute fear of apologies
You didn't care
You cared about novels
Written over text messages
Conversations about the demons
We were haunted by
You cared about knowing
Someone out there felt the way that you did
And then
Things changed
We drifted
A friendship turned into emptiness
A hollow place I couldn't fill
A nagging and pestering thing
I should've said sorry first
Should've said it period
Trusted your word when you gave it
I guess things turned out alright
But I still don't see you
Not like I used to
Don't speak to you
With the familiarity of my own self
Don't know you
Forwards and backwards the way I once did
I miss that
I miss you
I miss the basic understanding
The fundamental connection
The simple knowledge
Of eachother
You were my best friend
My confidant
My comfortable other
And now reaching out is like
Trying to grasp water
I can feel you there
But my fingers pass through every time
And I lose my hold
Stumble
Fall
Try to remember
Or forget
But all I really want
Is not to miss you