I often forget
I am breaking in silence
I cannot hold it against him
For not knowing
How deeply I am aching
Maybe if I could tell him
I could never tell him
What difference would it make?
Speaking to ghosts in the starlight
Sitting on park benches with phantoms
Of a boy who is now the living dead
To me
He was everything
The boy who saw himself as nothing
Words I still hear ringing in my head
I still pray for him every night
No, not to be mine
But to be alright
To see himself as all I did
But he is only a ghost of who he was
Or maybe it’s me
The ghost
Is that why he looks right through me now
Or why when I call his name
I no longer get a response
Maybe that is why
He never kissed me
Scared I would pass straight through him
See straight through his insecurities
Call out the things he feared the most
I wonder if he ever thought less of me
For seeming so transparent
For wearing emotion like a badge of honor
I have so many unanswered questions
But what good would it do
To speak to a ghost on a playground
Under a diamond sky
The first place he ever held me
Like I meant something to him
What good would it do?