i wish to be angry with you
to tear the earth apart
and scream at the sky until my voice is torn.
to cut off my wings and fall to the ground
collapsing in the sand.

i wish to be happy for you
to smile when you talk about him
and go along with the two of you.
to laugh at his jokes
and pretend nothing is wrong until i get home:
falling back into the sand and creating an ocean.

but i can not find an in between,
and i can be neither.
for all i can do is pray to relive the memories i hold so dear.
to remember the night you helped me realize i like cookie dough ice cream,
to remember the river that pulled us along,
but it was okay because we were dragged together.
to remember the days we danced alone with a playlist made especially for us.
our song.

i’d give my happiness,
i’d give my love,
i’d give my wings of shining white.
there is nothing on this earth i wouldn’t give

just to kiss your lips once more.