everywhere is the smell of you. its not unpleasant. the ***** offends the nose, i will admit, but you can hardly be blamed, and everything else is fine, and you are doing ok. i love you, i love you, we said that a lot. and that’s ok! for we are friends. and friends love one another. if i’m honest my memory is hazy. i know i tried to help you — held back your hair, kept you upright, walked you back to the safety of home, and held on to you. it was silly of course, i knew you would be fine, but god knows a very loud part of me could not bear to see you like that. in any case, you’re ok now, and that is All That Matters.
there’s nothing to analyse here. i know there’s nothing at all to see, to notice, but i haven’t stopped trying. because i know i love you — i knew it so clearly then, and i know it just as clearly now. i can’t help but wonder if that’s it. do i love my friend, my best friend, the best friend i could ask for or is there something else at play here, something i’ve locked away, something more intense. i don’t want to believe it. so i focus on the i love you because i know it’s true. i feel it so clearly and so strongly, more colourful than anything else i’ve felt in years. i love you, and i know you love me too but nonetheless i will lie awake and ashamed of the vast realm of possibilities for hidden meanings to those words i drunkenly slurred to you that night. i will have to keep looking under the surface of that i love you.