Why is it that The Nice Guy always finishes last?
He tries so hard to please you.
To give you everything He can.
And it’s not enough

The Nice Guy is protective.
He does not try to control you like your past boyfriends. Instead He encourages you to learn and to explore, but He is also there for you.
He is the binding of a book, wrapping all the contents of you inside and guarding you from our patriarchal society.
You are at the epicentre of His mind. You are the sun that gives light to the world. His world.
If you let Him, He would give you everything. Mind, body and soul.
But you don’t let Him.

The Nice Guy is caring.
He asks you about your day; and what do you tell Him?
You give him the same answer over and over again. “It was ok.”
You don’t tell him that your boss tried to touch you for the third time this month or that when you said no he called you a *****.
You don’t tell Him that you feel helpless and worthless because of it.
Expendable, like trash. A common ******* passed around by a world of arrogant ‘men’.
And you know He knows. With every passing day and every “ok” you push Him further and further away.
But He is empathetic and He is intuitive. He knows that you are lying. He sees the wince as he asks you the question.
You wonder why He continues to ask.

The Nice Guy is hopeful.
He continues to show his interest in the hopes that one day you will give Him a true answer. A true insight into your life.
To peel away at the hard shell you have cocooned yourself in.
And He waits.
When you come home from the club at 4am unable to walk, He doesn’t shout, He takes care of you. He takes you to bed, gives you a glass of water and stays up all night to watch over you.
It’s your brother’s birthday tomorrow; he will be 6.
Your friends knew that when they pressured you into that 8th shot. Is that what a good friend does? You know it’s not and you know they’re not right for you.
But from your search for acceptance, you allow this manipulation to continue.
You are complex and He knows that, He understands. That’s why He doesn’t ask who the man you were kissing on your Snapchat story was. You forgot when you were blackout drunk.
He didn’t.

The Nice Guy is struggling.
He loves you more than anything in the world. He would die for you. He would **** for you.
And yet with one mistake, one small deviation from morality it’s over.
Finished, tainted with the memory of his actions like wine on carpet. You scrub at the stains praying they vanish. And they may get better over time, but they will never truly be gone.
But you, you pushed him.
You are a snake that has poisoned and cursed the only ounce of goodness that was shining over your life.
Ripped at His heart like a crow, eating away until there was nothing left but a corpse.
You have extracted all the essence of goodness away from Him and left Him broken, a fragment of the man He used to be.

It’s selfish really. You take all of that guilt from those late nights at the club, from the guys you flirt with when drunk and deflected this all back to Him.
Was it really that bad what he did? Or is this just convenient for you?
It’s an escape rope. An escape rope which you have grasped firmly with both hands.
Our minds are the ocean and you are the anchor, dragging Him down to the bottom with you.
Yes He has fallen from perfection, but you deserve his imperfection.

But The Nice Guy is no longer The Nice Guy.
And you no longer want Him.