it feels like i'm drowning but my breathing is just fine might not be trapped physically but i'm caged in my mind reliving every failure and worrying about the ones to come not thinking about what i do but everything else that i should have done and they all think i'm crazy no one understands not worth the energy or even a second glance even those that listen barely register the meaning a moment of belonging is temporary rare and fleeting cause i climb this mountain of doubt and fall each time i try to open up and be a better friend it leaves me cut up inside because either i'm terrible and say what i want to say or i give myself to others and i slowly go insane cause to be liked i have to be nice to you all being supportive being there being kind to a fault but i'm still the bad guy cause i'm tired of handling it cause i'm sick of your lies and the people that you run with why must i change myself when i've already changed my behaviors time and time again to make you comfortable to have a positive impact to be a better friend i just feel abandoned in a time of need why must i defend myself every time i disagree it's just a part of who i am the choices i make are based on thought not on whims i've given too much to now in turn let your words get under my skin why can't i just feel why must i lose for you to win i'm trying so hard to keep my cool but the darkness is moving in the farther i run the harder it is for my heart to mend i run from my fears neck deep in problems till i realize i'm in the deep end