Tonight
We wrapped ourselves in the heaviest sheets we could find
I think the universe decided this would be the longest night of December
I reached for the hot mug of chocolate on the table to warm my hands
But you were quick to hold them in yours
If only, if only we were that quick
We could have spotted
Loose hugs and cold smiles
Turns of heads and many sighs
The bits of signs that could have told us the house is on fire
We didn't
We weren't
I pulled in closer and you still laugh at the high-pitched sounds I make when I shiver
I'm sorry
Back then, I would have fought for this
We both know we've lost all the ways to save us
The night sky is now a list of the fights we lost, the fights we gave up on, the fights we were never brave enough to take
Like the chance for tomorrow
But tomorrow, you will find someone else
Like how you look for a new game when the plot becomes too familiar
I will be looking back at you
Looking at another
A glance reminding me of when you first met her
I guess all the fights we lost were all the fights I fought alone
You always find someone else tomorrow
Who maybe won't kiss your shoulders when you're nervous or afraid
Maybe you won't be pointing out each other's grammar and math mistakes
But I know you'll hold her tighter
And sing to her all the words I've been waiting for
And I hope this time it's right
I hope her smile will be all the sunlight you need when life feels like all the monsters came out of the sea
And you, you'll be her meteor shower of random kisses and funny faces
She never thought she needed
But tomorrow, if you're not ready
If you hear my voice echo when the wolf cries to the moon
Or if you feel my touch from the cold breeze passing through the only windows left open
Remember we have loved with all that we are
Even with the pieces we still don't know where to place
I have loved you with a magnitude greater than that of gravity but I won't pull you back anymore
So you could first pick up the shards of glass on our squeaky floor
I will leave the first-aid kit in the same space
Watch the hands of the clock until it points to Okay. Ready.
You will have to unlock the door alone and realize that this is
Tomorrow, when we'll be strolling in different sidewalks, different cities
Will we ever find ourselves retracing the way back and looking for the blankets from this December night?
Will we still have the courage to cross the bridge and take the fight?
I have no answers tonight
So tell me again about your meetings with the sky like when you spoke my name the first time
I will listen again while thinking of how my search for a reason to stay stopped when I looked into your eyes
Maybe all is just a fantasy
All we know about you and me
And the reasons that we need
Are the ones we never keep
Darling, I am out of lullabies
Before tomorrow becomes goodbye
Tuck me in and say goodnight
This time
This
Time.