Hi.  Hello.
It’s been awhile, I hope you are because I am.
Well, mostly.  
I found the one who makes me laugh makes me smile
Staves of the darkness so for just a little while
I forget.
I forget that a piece of me is broken, missing.
A piece of me is gone and when I go to give it to the one who makes me feel okay
Everything is not okay I scream and fight and push away
And he’s just so confused.
Things were good we worked through this there hasn’t been a meltdown in oh so many months
He talks he soothes does everything I told him to do but still I’m fighting I’m crying
I’m not there anymore
I’m in another place another time where there were no smiles only tears and those tread are pouring out now as I fight within my self to get back to the place where things are fine and I’m surrounded by love. And then
It’s over.
I’m back he’s holding me and everything is grand
But even now he hesitates to hold my hand afraid
To hurt me
To send me into a spiral that maybe this time I won’t be able to pull myself out of.
And even though I thought I had forgiven you
That I was past it I had regained what you took.
I was wrong and I can’t forgive you
Not yet.