i feel so cold and alone
all the hurt i’ve experienced is my fault
i’m so dumb
so naïve
so willing to please
i let my personality fade away
and i don’t know where it’s gone

all the feelings of those months
came back to me
the constant nausea
the paranoia
the want to hurt
the feeling of being
so utterly useless and ugly

i was beginning to regain
some semblance of self-confidence
but when i think of those days
it’s gone
and all i can think is:
i’m so ugly
i’m so dumb and stupid
why
why am i like this?
why am i so awful?