Sometimes I just need to feel something
Like when you’re ten feet underwater
And you realize you’re drowning, but
Everyone around you is breathing, and
You’ll do just about anything to take a breath, anything
To get rid of the numbness around you, of the ache that holds your heart
And it doesn’t matter if you end up even deeper
Not anymore, because
For a few glorious moments, you feel something
And you learn to welcome pain and its warm embrace
And that somehow becomes beautiful, too
Even if it’s a weight, it’s safe and
Sometimes it’s all I know
It’s the only form that I can always keep my hands on, and
We’re all addicts to something, well
I’m a drinker and I get drunk on control
Welcoming pain as an old friend and elation at his touch
My skin isn’t worth a **** anymore
It’s beaten and torn, bruised and scarred
And I’d sell it to anyone who asked nicely enough
Because perhaps I’ll always be depression’s *****
And I’ll always be ten feet under.
    ~O