“No one cares about you unless you’re dead or lying naked in their bed.”
-mute
•••

too many.
too many to remember.
too many to count.
all my life I’ve been searching for love and affection
in the wrong places..
in the wrong people.
I’ve given up the key to my sanctuary
given up the password to my treasury
only to be tricked and robbed blind.
time and time again i allow myself to be used and abused
like a *****
but at least they get paid.

words can be so deceiving.
one minute they can be whispered so intimately in your ear
while you’re feeling the best pleasure
known to you
and the next millisecond
they can be thrown like daggers
and you’re the target.
and I don’t get it.

every time i think, it’ll be different.
every time i hope, it’ll be different.
but this time ?
i wanted you to be different
and I thought you were.
but now,
my mind is clouded
plagued by the poisonous thoughts in my head.
i was hoping you’d save me,
but you might be the reason i end up
dead.