Should I just end it all?
It’s 1 in the morning and as usual,
I can’t sleep
Restless
I’m seeing stars, and not the good ones
I’m seeing my life flash before my eyes
My eyes, such a clear green it was as if you were looking straight into a peridot
My birthstone
But all I can do is write
And write
And write
Because if I don’t distract myself i know I’ll end up going on “Uber eats” just to order 100 bottles of sleeping pills from my local CVS and end my suffering once and for all
If Uber eats had that option, I would’ve used it a long time ago
Because as you’ve read from my poems, dear reader, my life isn’t peaches and daisys
Well if the peaches were rotten and the daisys were dead and wilting,
I think it would be a pretty accurate representation
But ive been through a plethora of horrible occurrences
That nobody knows about
Because I’m known as the golden girl
The charming doll with the moxie
But inside, I’m as broken as an old CD you find in the back of your closet that you haven’t listened to since 2004
I stay up for hours praying and aching for the Lord to take me
Since I wasn’t meant to be here
I just wasn’t cut out for life
And I know romanticizing suicide is wrong
But I can’t help thinking how beautiful it is to be dead
I hope CVS is still open