you are the night's first sip of whiskey
hot as it burns down my throat,
but i take another swig.

you are the cigarette i’ve got between my lips
cool and calm even as it slowly kills me,
but i take one more drag.

you are the smoke i puff into my lungs
clouding my mind,
but i breathe in deep.

i whisper in your ear,
'you're not good for me'
i feel you smile against my neck,
'princess, when has that ever stopped you?'

with you
i learned change is quiet
even when you were screaming clawing begging for more
it was too soft to notice

you are the missing limb i feel
twitch, twitch, twitch,
by the time i look--nothing.
you were always too much of a phantom.