i think i'm going to die soon.
dad, why am i waking up at four in the morning wanting to die?
is there something wrong with me?
for i'm taking the moonlight shining in my bedroom as a sign that i belong up there.
guilt, shame, and embarrassment filled my lungs and i breathed the breath you called me "strong" for.
i sure as hell don't feel strong.
i feel like the universe loosened the noose.
i think i'm going to die soon.
maybe physical,
maybe spiritual.
it felt my head was being banged up against walls made of steel as i tried to find my reason and worth again.
i feel like i won't be here anymore.