I felt like we’d already met,
When we met for the first time
And from that moment, my brain refused to let go of you.
It holds tightly onto every memory and every thought,
Regardless of whether I want it to or not.
It’s as if my brain and my heart have discussed that I am no longer part of their decision,
And yet again I am left out of it all.

I remember vividly the time I met you for the fourth,
Our eyes met each other from a distance and as you passed,
Time slowed down with our eyes still speaking to one another.
Desperately longing for some form of an answer to a question that was never asked.

I am terrified of it all,
Terrified that I’ll bury myself too deep into this pit that I won’t be able to climb out myself.
Terrified that my naivety will eat me alive and my thoughts will gradually be consumed by nothing but you.
I don’t see it as loving or romantic,
I can’t help but see it in such a dark light because what’s the appeal in not being able to concentrate on anything but the way your eyes seem to melt their way into mine when you look at me.
Yet, at the same time, I am too tired to fight any of it - I have been told not to, but to embrace it and find peace with it.
That scares me most,
That I’ll become so used to it.
I just wish to be immune.