one. my brother is in love with a girl.

two. my mom saw me reading peculiar books she asked me what was the story about. i just laughed and told her, ‘you know just the usual.’ she doesn’t know.

three. it was when i lied to my mother about school.

four. i cried myself to sleep.

five. i forgot to brush my teeth. it’s not that i’m unhygienic but when your body is too tired to live, it’s just too difficult to move.

six. i decided not to throw a birthday party when i was
6 years old. it’s not that we can’t afford it, but
i know that no one would show up except for that
boy with the weird hair and imperfect teeth.

seven.  it’s my third day in bed.

eight. i tried cutting myself. i tried but i’m too tired
to move.

nine. i’m so angry. i’m so ******* angry. i’m so *******
angry.

ten. it was when the funniest kid started to cry.
he didn’t said why. he remained like that for god
knows how long. that was when i knew that sadness
lives in every single one of us.

eleven. a few of my friends cut themselves to calmness. i
just watch them get eaten by the lines they drew.

twelve. i regret saying that.

thirteen. but i said it anyway.

fourteen. i’m too in love with the idea that someone better
will come, turns out that each person is the right
person. we just live in a timeline where they never
are.

fifteen i looked through a keyhole and saw my parents’
corpse.

sixteeni need someone. not the suicide hotline. i need
someone real. i need someone. i need someone. i
need someone. i ******* need someone.

seventeen. i’m falling in love with someone whose heart beats
fast for everybody except for me.

eighteen. i'm in a birthday party. everybody's laughing because someone made a joke about god. i left.