How can my head be filled up with everything but still feel like nothing

So ****** up that you need to take that blade to your wrist
Watching the scarlet blood fall down

Wanting more, dig deeper
  
Feel the soul, the life leaving your body

Someone comes..

Grips your soul pushes it back down leaving you in the white sheets trying to Throwing away the broken  

how come if you know you're loved still feel like ****..