May 2018
Blank screen staring...
Make it interesting.
Google it.
Remember it.
That rush;
The excitement;
The release.
That brief moment of peace.
I always did love the feeling,
But most of all
I love to watch.
The drops form like poetry,
They slip down to the pen.
Slinging words so fast
I can't think about it.
The razor refills sitting in the bathroom.
My heart pounding, I shouldn't think about it.
I can't,
I shouldn't!
Close my eyes and try to feel it,
a malicious fantasy.
Heart pounding still.
I can't,
I shouldn't!
But it's right there.
It's so easy.
It's so hard.
Old Addiction arise
like droplets congeal.
Google it.
Remember it.
Imagine it.
Breathing heavy.
It's so hard.
It's so easy.
It's right there.
Make it interesting.
Google it.
Remember it.
That rush;
The excitement;
The release.
That brief moment of peace.
I always did love the feeling,
But most of all
I love to watch.
The drops form like poetry,
They slip down to the pen.
Slinging words so fast
I can't think about it.
The razor refills sitting in the bathroom.
My heart pounding, I shouldn't think about it.
I can't,
I shouldn't!
Close my eyes and try to feel it,
a malicious fantasy.
Heart pounding still.
I can't,
I shouldn't!
But it's right there.
It's so easy.
It's so hard.
Old Addiction arise
like droplets congeal.
Google it.
Remember it.
Imagine it.
Breathing heavy.
It's so hard.
It's so easy.
It's right there.
When I was younger I didn't have the most self-positive coping mechanisms, and often reverted to self-harm. Later in life when things grow heavy, I find myself grasping for these old coping mechanisms for lack of a better idea. Though I have yet to break my sobriety (of sorts) on this vice, the thoughts haunt me. There have been countless times in the past where I have come so close to breaking, and falling back into the arms of this addiction. But thus far, I have remained strong enough to resist the blade.
