I wish I wasn't so weak otherwise this would be my 2nd year just resting peacefully next to that creek. I tried to call it quits but like always I couldn't take any of the hits. I got in my car and accelerated very fast hoping to finally make all this pain end in a firery blast. I wish I would have hit that bridge so I could be buried on some random unknown ridge. Why couldn't I have gotten unlucky? I mean after all my life was very mucky. Maybe it was an act of God or maybe is was from the sad music playing on my iPod. I just wish the pain would disappear so my mind could go back to being very clear. I thought it was my turn to go since I've never felt so low. I still have thoughts of this day wishing that it could have ended in another way. I have tried to become happy but I'm always feeling ******. I have tried to mask my pain but in reality my life is swirling down the drain. Maybe all this is just a big message from above trying to show me that I should just try to love. One day I'll get the urge to get back in the car I just hope that I don't go too far. Maybe in a few years from now I can look back at this post and think; wow I'm really glad I didn't turn myself into a ghost!