I was skeptic;
As I watched his mask fade away.
I was victimized;
But it was hardly my fault.
Some people are just experts at hiding;
There are no visible cracks in their camouflage.
Their voices are so mellifluous;
You can never really discern the lies.

I found out the hard way;
That I fell in love with the ghost of the shadow of a boy that I thought I knew,
That I gave my whole life to.
I thought he loved me too,
But I was just a tool;
To help him assure himself;
That he had the capability to love still.
Or lust.
Deceiving himself as well as me;
Knowing all along that his feelings were unreal.
His actions were trompe-l’oeil;
His words were fabricated.

I’m in love with the ghost of the shadow of a boy that I thought I knew.
Turns out that when the truth was revealed I became the fool.
It didn’t really matter that I had a heart;
The fact that I was innocent didn’t really change things;
Somehow I ended up in front of a loaded gun;
Because the boy I loved;
Turned out to have a completely different set of flaws;
Flaws that I was completely unaware of.

All I can do is pray as I am positioned
Between the barrel of a loaded gun and the boy I thought I knew.
My hands shaking as it slowly dawned on me,
The realisation that I would be shot at just to get back at
The ghost of the shadow of a boy that I fell in love with,
But he isn’t real.
The boy himself doesn’t feel.
But the one who will pull the trigger cannot see it;
He thinks the boy that used me loves me.

What frustrates me is fact that the boy won’t tell the truth.
The boy that I blindly loved the ghost of his shadow;
He still wants to believe that he has a heart;
That it’s still there;
That it can be shattered;
If the trigger is released.
But it won’t.
Because there’s nothing left to break
And once the deed is done,
The only thing that will be destroyed
Is my brain.

I will become a memory,
For the ghost of the shadow of a boy that I fell in love with
To either cherish or forget;
But he is fabricated.
So the boy I thought I loved,
The one that was hidden from me,
Will completely forget me,
Because regret is not something
He will ever feel.