Jun 2018
Things that should be long forgotten.
They roam through the hallways of my mind,
Scratching on doors and knocking on walls,
Trying for attention of any kind,
I rub my temples and put down my head,
I try to focus on lighter thoughts,
But here I am drowning again,
In the confines of my panic box.
(Deep breaths, they say)
Where they chain themselves to stay,
(Count back from ten)
The ghosts of memories sink their claws in.
Things that should be long forgotten,
Yet the world triggers them again and again.
They roam through the hallways of my mind,
Scratching on doors and knocking on walls,
Trying for attention of any kind,
I rub my temples and put down my head,
I try to focus on lighter thoughts,
But here I am drowning again,
In the confines of my panic box.
(Deep breaths, they say)
Where they chain themselves to stay,
(Count back from ten)
The ghosts of memories sink their claws in.
Things that should be long forgotten,
Yet the world triggers them again and again.
I have never been diagnosed with anything, I would hate to say that I have a condition that I don't. I am scared though, I am very strong willed and feel I have the strength to get through anything, but I do have triggers and people can see it on my face when it happens. I have to leave if it's visual, I have to change subjects if it's verbal. My hands sweat and my body shakes. My heart pounds and my head races. For moments I can't even comprehend whats going on and I immediately go back to the bad place and I start to panic. I try not to inconvenience anyone with my problems but sometimes it's too intense for me to handle. I project how I feel onto the people I say I care about and I just don't think that's fair.
