The loss of a first love
Staring at anything but the memories watching how much your lashes flutter
How your eyes
You
Want to see him again

Or at least you try

You know for a fact
Some part of you keeps replaying every detail you had of him
Every ******* detail
You
Had
Of him
And you try to keep it in
Like you do all thr time for almost everything

But he's a time
A beautiful entity in your memories that will never leave
And you know he's worth it
Worth the heartbreak and the heart ache
The mascara and eyeliner mixed with the salt of you tears
That burns your eyes as you write this

He's the best poison you pick and somehow the first being that made you regret

You wanna hope you only miss the idea of him
The idea of having someone
But when you think of him
You think of him
You think of his raps
His beats
His pops
His jiggies
His dumb shielding humour
His fascination
His presence
Him

Some part of you plays the memories when you go to places the happy two went to
Where the happy two didnt want to leave each other until at least 6 hours past
Plays them like ghosts
And you wanna see him on your bed again
Trying to sleep and forget and ignore that he has to leave
And you want to crash onto him again
Trace his jaw, his neck, his face
But all you get are your soft pillows

You never thought you'd get the chance to write this.
You thought you'd never meet him someone like him
You did
You had it
Please you have to move on
He's gone.