she's like sleeping beauty
and by that I mean
she's beautiful
and she'd rather be sleeping right now

Falls asleep instantly
eyes closed tight in between lines in our argument

let me give you a better example
and we shift the scene to a bedroom plagued by doubt
but despite that the sheets are soft comfort, liquid warm radiance
To the end of a conversation at the beginning of a night

Me: Did you know that?
Her: Yup.
Me: Well did you know you're beautiful?
Her: LOUD SNORING NOISES

But where am I going with this?

I don't know

I'm going to better days
to reminders
kissprint frozen on the window of my car

To the cutest little kick I have ever seen as an excited girl enters buffalo wild wings after working 12 hours

excited because I'm there

That's where I'm going.
Back in time to "she likes my hands despite the warts"

I don't know

back to my hands
let them be a hammock
so I can hold her
rocking
because she'd rather be sleeping

Because sleep escapes the day
escapes the people
and the way
I say
the thoughts that echo in her mind
she's horrible
guilty
fire
tired
knife wounds
twisting
resisting
the urge to ram my self righteousness down her throat

I gave her my coat
and she asked if I smoked
(because that's a deal breaker)
I told her no

and the next time she slipped her hand in my arm
and the next time she slipped her thoughts in my mind
slipped her hands through my hair
her tongue in my mouth
her lightning in my eyes

surprise
I don't know
I don't know
My hands are distilled comfort
drink them up
this might be a beer you actually like

I don't know

I don't know

If we work
If we can

go back to strained conversations in which I am dying and she is existing in the same place with another person because that's what she's all about

A kiss
Another
kisses close our mouths to the arguments

and a single text
drips back into my thoughts

"Please don't leave me."

And I wonder if I am speaking to her
or the depression
if she lets it be her face for a while
while her mind rests in the background of her life

Because she'd rather be sleeping.