My heart is pounding I'm heavy breathing My blood is boiling My face is melting My hair is pulling My skin is itching My nails are hurting My eyes are clouding My mouth is drying My mind is waning My voice is wailing My hands are cracking My stomach is churning My strength is failing My care is mortifying My existence is joking My work is freezing My delusions are multiplying My thoughts are racing My life is dying My hopes are groaning My dreams are poaching My will power is cooking My mind's eye is glossing My mood's-a-changing No cylinders are firing My desire is diving The cycle is beginning My peace is nuking Beauty is crumbling Life's code is encrypting . . . . No key for decrypting The way out is blinding And I'm feeling . . . . The top of the ceiling . . . . No more flooring . . . . Left falling, none for catching I'm wasting I'm choking I'm running The demons are searching Me they're consuming Me they're chewing Me they're spitting Me they're crushing . . . . Causing . . . . A raining . . . . Hellfire reckoning They want me deadening Me they're taunting Poking me, torturing My debt not paying . . . . It's me they're charging No recourse, left standing Consciousness is maddening My enemies looming . . . . Gleaning my soul, they're feeding They're biting I'm left crying Hope is fleeting Friends are fleeing . . . . This nutcase entertaining I'm stopping Left looking No one is caring . . . . To grace my being They see me fading Cast into the void, they're jeering Strangers are laughing There's more I could be saying
But I'm still left wondering:
. . . . What's the point of living?
11 January 2018 - Exactly how I felt at the time. Raw. Emotional. Poignant. This is what a bipolar mixed episode feels like.