I dial your number

My body responds - shunting all blood from extremities to my vital organs
Prepared for the threat that could occur at any moment

My toes run cold with every unanswered ring

Voicemail.

My fingers have gone numb
My heart doesn’t understand what to make of this

You pull me in close and push me away like a yo-yo you were never done playing with

Down
and
Up and




Down

Does the string never end?

I’m so far down now, the yo-yo must be in on the joke
Conditioned to a cycle of deep anxiety

Till every firework feels like it may be a bomb
Something meant for joy
Instead, an imminent threat

You of all people should understand why
I coward at the sign of a spark
You are a vet after all

I let the fireworks hit me, knowing full well it will hurt
And it does hurt. And you aren’t sorry.

I guess I’d hoped for better than cold hands and an empty heart.